If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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