Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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