Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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