I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
