Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
