i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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