Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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