i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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