mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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