We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
