i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
