So drunk its hurt
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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