There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
