youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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