How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
