So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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