thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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