the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
