you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
