Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
