Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
