He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
