you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
