wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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