I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
where does the pee come out of this thing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
