so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just found puke in my bra..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
