Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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