that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
