kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
