need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
