So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
