and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
