The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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