spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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