I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
