You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
