I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
