We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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