He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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