you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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