The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
