My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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