I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
