I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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