remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dick very happy bro
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
