Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
