My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
