im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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