So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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