Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
