Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
