I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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